Where do the rest of us fit into the “Mommy Wars”?

The so-called “mommy wars” has been well written about, and whenever I look at them, I wonder where the rest of us parents fit into it. On the breastfeeding vs formula issue, I imagine that it’s just assumed that two-father families, single dads, and various other family configurations that don’t include an adult woman must formula feed, so are out of the conversation for that reason. Same with the stay at home vs working- it’s almost always framed in terms of mothers, even though the number of stay at home fathers is on the rise (unfortunately, I can’t find any statistics about genderqueer house spouses, aside from knowing they’re out there).

I honestly wonder, where do the rest of us fit into this?  Does the criticism flying both ways just roll off the back of non-mom-families (anyone know a better way of wording that? Please?) because it’s technically not at them? Do those families still feel the pressure to breastfeed, feel insecure about formula feeding the way that women do? I can’t help but think some must, seeing as even cisgender men are putting in the effort to breastfeed their children despite societal stigma (the second comment on that article refers to it as “repulsive”). In areas where breastfeeding is frowned upon, do they feel relief at having the choice “made for them”? When there’s more than one parent, is there still pressure about whether or not one parent should stay at home and, if so, who should stay?

I’m not here to comment on why these families tend to get left out of the “mommy wars” or whether or not it’s okay or whatever else, this is just genuine curiosity. I know how it effects our family, I just wonder how it effects others.

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