The birth was a bit traumatic. It wasn’t anywhere near the level of some of the other traumas I’ve seen, but it was still very upsetting for me. I broke down crying a few times because of it, I still really don’t like thinking about it. I’ll probably talk about it more… some day.
Part of the healing process, for me, has been reading other people talk about their traumatic births and their healing process. One common theme I’ve seen is that many women* feel completely unsupported, even by their partners. I’ve seen a few women who tried to express how they felt to their partner, only to have that partner turn around and basically say that she doesn’t deserve to feel that way. Not everyone has that experience, there are people who have very supportive partners after birth trauma.
But it really does make me appreciate my partner. It took over a day for me to talk to them about it, it took over a day for me to really be able to process what had happened, and when I did- they were completely supportive, because they were as unhappy as I was with the way I was treated throughout the labor- they probably would have yelled at the midwife a few times, but they were focusing on supporting me and didn’t want to upset me more than I already was. I’ve never had to try to explain why I feel this way, they’ve never tried to tell me that it was my choice or it wasn’t that bad or I should just be happy that we have a healthy baby. It’s heartbreaking to me that there are people who’ve had a traumatic experience with birth and who don’t get that kind of support from those around them, and I’m so grateful that my partner has been so supportive about this.
*(I haven’t found a traumatic birth story from a trans person… or any birth story from trans people, for that matter. They were all written by women.)